Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Starting Fresh

I've nuked it. Its all gone. Well.. reverted to draft, anyway. I'll still read over my old stuff, since it helps me remember, but no-one else will see it.

This little blog of mine has existed in some form or another since 2007. Sometimes I posted a lot, sometimes not so much. Last year, I made one post.

Last year was crap.

I was not as over my miscarriage or the death of our puppy as I thought, and then the man's father passed away. The depression I'd been holding at bay for years finally broke through, and things went downhill fast.

I'm not sure if I sewed anything to completion last year.

I knitted almost one whole dish cloth. It has been going since last february, and isn't finished yet. It is less than 5" by 5".

I cooked a lot, but only because if I don't, we have no dinner.

I did finish one piece of embroidery.

I also did a few little paintings. But not til after I was medicated again.

I spent a lot of time feeling scared, and lonely, and angry, and alone. I hated my children. I hated my husband. I didn't want to see my friends. I didn't go to church for half the year. I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch hating myself, but being afraid to ask a doctor to fix it all.

And then, for a brief time, the medication that has always brought me relief before was my enemy, and I was very close to going insane. It is not a fun feeling. I don't recommend it. Thankfully, the new medication has no such nasty side effects.

The urge to create has come back to me. I want to sew. I want to embroider. I want to knit. I want to paint.

I want to write.

So I'm starting the blog afresh. Clean slate, no memories or expectations.

There might be sewing. There might be knitting. There might be painting, or cooking, or embroidery, or children, or random thoughts. There will probably be talk of depression.

I can't promise a lack of irrelevant pictures, either.


Pug investigating a blue tongue. There was a lot of barking that day.